The realisation that your relationship is in trouble can come with a sudden jolt.  It can sneak up on you that what once felt like a fairy tale now feels like hard work. 

You may find you’re arguing about the smallest things, but never really addressing what the real problems are. This is especially difficult when one partner doesn’t want to have a genuine conversation, and especially not with the help of a relationship psychologist. 

You know your relationship needs help, so how do you get your partner on board?

How to talk to your partner about couples therapy

There are a multitude of reasons why your partner may be hesitant about couples therapy. For example, they may be worried about the cost or feel embarrassed about discussing private issues. They may fear that therapy will result in you deciding to leave. 

Give some thought to what their concerns might be. Then allow them to express those concerns, listening without judgment. Choose the right time to talk to them, so that they don’t feel threatened. During an argument is not the time. 

Approach the suggestion of therapy in a positive way. Instead of criticising or threatening, tell them how much they mean to you and how you’d like to learn new techniques for communicating better together. 

Express that it would mean a lot to you if you could do this together, but if they’re still adamant that they won’t go, let them know you’ll be going on your own. Whether they feel ready to work on their challenges or not, you can learn useful techniques to improve your own outlook and communication skills. 

Evidence-based couples therapy

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) 

CBT helps you recognise how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours interact. You'll learn to identify unhelpful patterns and develop more intentional responses.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

DBT for couples focuses on mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. Practising these skills together may strengthen communication and help the relationship move into a more positive space over time.

Gottman Method 

Based on the Sound Relationship House Theory, this method helps couples build healthy communication habits, manage conflict, and avoid destructive patterns.

With the right type of support from psychologists Fitzroy couples can work on their relationships for a lasting resolution.

This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you are experiencing distress, please speak to your GP or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.